Microsoft Corporation
Broken News:Breaking Headlines

After finally reaching a $10.5m settlement with Be Software, it looks as though Microsoft will be heading to court again.

Netscape, Microsoft’s chief rival in the browser wars, has launched a new legal case against the company’s founder, Bill Gates.

In a lawsuit filed in Washington state, Netscape claims that Bill Gates has used ‘unfair eternal connections’ and ‘anti-competitive demonic powers’ to thwart Netscape’s attempt to regain control of the browser market.

At one point, Netscape was the biggest resident of the browser community. Since 1996, the company has been on a rapid decent into the bowels of hell.

According to an Intense Corp. survey, Microsoft IE holds 96 percent market share. The same survey neglected to ask about the Netscape browser.

“Bill Gates shows a strong resemblance to the devil,” said a Netscape spokesperson reading from a press release. “We believe he has an unfair advantage over us given the fact that he is the prince of darkness. Our morale is very low, even with AOL cradling us. Sometimes we cry, sometimes we weep, sometimes there is weeping and gnashing of teeth. Whatever the case, Bill Gates should be taken down. He has done this too us and we will not stop this crusade until he is stopped. And he is the devil.”

There was no official response from Microsoft, although Mr. Gates did reveal that he had recently had a surgical operation to fix an unexplained split in the end of his tongue.